friendships, Growth, intentions, love, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

xxi. an exercise and exorcism for savagery

For as long as I can remember, empathy and genuine human connection have been focal points in my life. I’m a brutally soft woman and I believe [or at least want to believe] that the world is a beautiful place. Empathy and genuine human connection cannot exist without vulnerability. Quite a few times, I’ve been too open to those who many not place as much importance on empathy and those who were not able or willing to connect me and just wanted to use me. Those situations have been very painful, especially in how people react then leave me, and I’ve required therapy. But I still believe that empathy is the most important thing.

However this philosophy of mine has led me to harboring feelings of disgust at my fellow counterparts. bell hooks has hypothesized that greed begat capitalism which begat instant gratification which begat viewing people and relationships as disposable as dixie cups. We view people for what they can do for us with as minimal reciprocity as possible. This mentality has birthed the current popular term, “savage” and there is a sense of pride with self-identifying as one.

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love, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

xvi. one man’s trash.

Besides, what’s one man’s pleasure is, another’s pain, or according to the Proverb, Meat, Poison, and so of the other Senses — And agen, Pleasure is certainly in some Cases, nothing but Privation of Pain
Hector Urquhart (the origin of the idiom ‘one man’s trash’)

I have a love/hate relationship with “Girls.” One one hand, I despise the show; it’s white privilege incarnate. It is exclusionary, people of color are rarely seen; if you do see a brown guy or gal, they are not characters that exhibit any sort of personal development. It’s self-indulgent, spoiled, banal. Hannah, the protagonist, is so unlikable, you feel a visceral reaction when she complains about her life and problems. It is somewhat novel of Lena Dunham to create a character so unsympathetic that you almost want her to fail.

I also love the show because I can identify with every single one of those characters for different reasons. The show has some amazingly funny one-liners; the episode when Adam’s ex-girlfriend discovered that Adam was back with Hannah because she saw them together, her friend and her said to Hannah “Your tits are so small and gross, I bet you can’t even get breast milk from them.” It was such a hilarious episode because every woman at one point in her life has wanted to rip apart the new girl [or new-old girl in this case] and to see it happen on TV was cathartic.

The reason why I still feel a modicum of loyalty to the show is  Season 2, Episode 5. “One Man’s Trash.”

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Personal, Thoughts

III. just right

If you know me, you know that I like to refer to myself as “awkward black girl” (shout out to issa rae); before that web-series, I always laughed/joked about my social [lack thereof] of skills, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I used to be grossly unattractive, teased, a poster child for low self-esteem and the symptoms that manifest with thinking you lack intrinsic worth. As I’ve grown older, I’m more attractive/appealing superficially, my personality has always been awesome because I had to compensate for my poor looks. Despite my self-described improvements, much is less to be desired.

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