Food/Drink/Culture, Growth, intentions, Personal, Thoughts, TV, Uncategorized

xx. the bicameral mind

If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.
— Audre Lorde

HBO has cultivated an arsenal of TV shows that rival movies. We have to thank Breaking Bad on AMC for revolutionizing TV dramas and changing how we view it. In the past, TV used to be a cesspool; a place where old actors go to die or actors who aren’t palatable enough for Hollywood would have to settle. After Breaking Bad, TV evolved; it became a haven where we questioned the human experience and morality associated with our humanity. HBO’s West World had its season finale this past Sunday, and it continued the trend of television shows that raised philosophical questions about who we are.

West World is about a theme park where humans interact with androids referred to as ‘hosts’ for a fee of $64k a day. Humans can do anything to the hosts, and the hosts have narratives that they repeat every single day, and they remember those storylines and it turns out they remember the pain. This show examines what makes someone “human.” West World had many storylines, but central to the plot was the plight of the host Dolores. She’s the oldest host of the park therefore the one with the greatest amount of imprints of painfully memories. Continue reading

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Food/Drink/Culture, friendships, intentions, Relationships, TV, Uncategorized

xix. insecure

Excuse my cultural appropriation, but Issa Rae is my spirit animal. I know my sentiments aren’t unique, a lot of black women identify with Issa Rae, but I’ve always been the O.G. black girl. When The Misadventures of ABG first premiered on YouTube, everyone reached out to me. “Renee, this character reminds me so much of you!”

When I heard that Issa Rae was going to have a network show on HBO, I felt like a proud mama bear. Her show premiered on my birthday; the first episode was about her birthday and she turned 29, the same age I turned! How anyone could deny God connecting us together is beyond me. Insecure just finished its first season yesterday, and the finale had black millennials in a tizzy. It had me in my feelings.

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xviii: i’m the monster, too.

If you haven’t watched Stranger Things yet, please improve the quality of your life. The Netflix show is amazing and nothing short of genius. Eleven is one of the best characters (after toothless). I took a Stranger Things quiz one day and it told me that I’m the monster. There is a (more or less) confirmed theory that Eleven is the monster, that the manifestation of her pain created a creature that is reactive, primitive, and lethal. A metaphor for how humans can change when someone damages them.

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love, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

xvi. one man’s trash.

Besides, what’s one man’s pleasure is, another’s pain, or according to the Proverb, Meat, Poison, and so of the other Senses — And agen, Pleasure is certainly in some Cases, nothing but Privation of Pain
Hector Urquhart (the origin of the idiom ‘one man’s trash’)

I have a love/hate relationship with “Girls.” One one hand, I despise the show; it’s white privilege incarnate. It is exclusionary, people of color are rarely seen; if you do see a brown guy or gal, they are not characters that exhibit any sort of personal development. It’s self-indulgent, spoiled, banal. Hannah, the protagonist, is so unlikable, you feel a visceral reaction when she complains about her life and problems. It is somewhat novel of Lena Dunham to create a character so unsympathetic that you almost want her to fail.

I also love the show because I can identify with every single one of those characters for different reasons. The show has some amazingly funny one-liners; the episode when Adam’s ex-girlfriend discovered that Adam was back with Hannah because she saw them together, her friend and her said to Hannah “Your tits are so small and gross, I bet you can’t even get breast milk from them.” It was such a hilarious episode because every woman at one point in her life has wanted to rip apart the new girl [or new-old girl in this case] and to see it happen on TV was cathartic.

The reason why I still feel a modicum of loyalty to the show is  Season 2, Episode 5. “One Man’s Trash.”

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xv. 2015 reflections, 2016 goals.

2015 was such a huge transitory year; I let go of old situation to get involved in another situation I had to let go of, I had a close friendship die. I fell for someone to have them betray me. I had the time of my life from January – September, I solidified already really excellent friendships. Family members died, I got a job, I had real life adult bills, I had to buy a new car, I moved from a comfort zone to an unfamiliar city and I’m learning how to bloom where I’m planted. There were times that I thought I wasn’t going to be “happy” because I didn’t get what I want the way I wanted it. But I am learning how to bloom where I am planted.

I started this blog last year to chronicle my thoughts on politics [I hate you Abigail Fisher. Black Lives Matter. White Tears gotta go] and personal growth; I’ve obviously not blogged on here often/I suck. I thought about making a trite post on what I’ve learned in 2015 [re: a shit ton] but the one lesson I feel the need to write on is forgiveness.

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xiv. females never having an in-between

I often mull over the phrase “no man can serve two masters”; it is an important proverb to keep in mind when one is committing actions that are diametrically opposed. For example, saying “I am a Christian and I believe in God and kindness” and in your next breath, slandering someone for their simple existence. You say you believe in God but your actions are the antithesis of kindness and love. But I also believe “to err is human and to forgive is divine.” We are fallible, we will always come short, and people should not expect us to be perfect.

I also mull over the dichotomy of human personalities; it’s titillating. I especially think about the multifaceted nature of being an educated black person in America. At one moment, we can discuss ratchet reality TV, then discuss drone strikes in Yemen, then quote Descartes, Ayn Rand, et cetera, then dance to Migos ‘Versace’, then code-switch and be ready for our professional jobs in the morning. I am absolutely positive that other races experience their own forms of dichotomy however I’m only familiar with my own experience and this post isn’t [solely] about being black in America…

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