friendships, Personal, Relationships, Uncategorized

xxiv. the breakup.

Friendship between women is different from friendship between men… It is my women friends that keep the starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be.
–Jane Fonda

 

Whenever you break up with a significant other, there are understood rules of decorum in how you are allowed to act and grieve. Your options include, but aren’t limited to, crying profusely, becoming promiscuous and sex the pain away, jumping into a new relationship, cutting your hair/change your appearance, running your credit card bill up, substance abusing the pain away, partying away, moving and traveling to find yourself, writing blogs/poetry/songs, bettering yourself also known as glowing up, eating ice cream, picking up new hobbies, and your friends are there to support you while you mourn the demise of your relationship and move forward. But what do you do when your friendship breakup is with one of your best friends?

There is a paucity of guidelines on how to cope with a friend breakup, which can be just as traumatic if not more traumatic than a romantic breakup. I’ve cried my fair share of tears over men, but when I’ve had to experience the loss of a best friend, a person who was part of my backbone, I’ve never known how to express my feelings and as a result, they have always turned into a cold, metallic bitterness.

Continue reading

Standard
friendships, Growth, intentions, love, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

xxi. an exercise and exorcism for savagery

For as long as I can remember, empathy and genuine human connection have been focal points in my life. I’m a brutally soft woman and I believe [or at least want to believe] that the world is a beautiful place. Empathy and genuine human connection cannot exist without vulnerability. Quite a few times, I’ve been too open to those who many not place as much importance on empathy and those who were not able or willing to connect me and just wanted to use me. Those situations have been very painful, especially in how people react then leave me, and I’ve required therapy. But I still believe that empathy is the most important thing.

However this philosophy of mine has led me to harboring feelings of disgust at my fellow counterparts. bell hooks has hypothesized that greed begat capitalism which begat instant gratification which begat viewing people and relationships as disposable as dixie cups. We view people for what they can do for us with as minimal reciprocity as possible. This mentality has birthed the current popular term, “savage” and there is a sense of pride with self-identifying as one.

Continue reading

Standard
Food/Drink/Culture, friendships, intentions, Relationships, TV, Uncategorized

xix. insecure

Excuse my cultural appropriation, but Issa Rae is my spirit animal. I know my sentiments aren’t unique, a lot of black women identify with Issa Rae, but I’ve always been the O.G. black girl. When The Misadventures of ABG first premiered on YouTube, everyone reached out to me. “Renee, this character reminds me so much of you!”

When I heard that Issa Rae was going to have a network show on HBO, I felt like a proud mama bear. Her show premiered on my birthday; the first episode was about her birthday and she turned 29, the same age I turned! How anyone could deny God connecting us together is beyond me. Insecure just finished its first season yesterday, and the finale had black millennials in a tizzy. It had me in my feelings.

Continue reading

Standard