friendships, Personal, Relationships, Uncategorized

xxiv. the breakup.

Friendship between women is different from friendship between men… It is my women friends that keep the starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be.
–Jane Fonda

 

Whenever you break up with a significant other, there are understood rules of decorum in how you are allowed to act and grieve. Your options include, but aren’t limited to, crying profusely, becoming promiscuous and sex the pain away, jumping into a new relationship, cutting your hair/change your appearance, running your credit card bill up, substance abusing the pain away, partying away, moving and traveling to find yourself, writing blogs/poetry/songs, bettering yourself also known as glowing up, eating ice cream, picking up new hobbies, and your friends are there to support you while you mourn the demise of your relationship and move forward. But what do you do when your friendship breakup is with one of your best friends?

There is a paucity of guidelines on how to cope with a friend breakup, which can be just as traumatic if not more traumatic than a romantic breakup. I’ve cried my fair share of tears over men, but when I’ve had to experience the loss of a best friend, a person who was part of my backbone, I’ve never known how to express my feelings and as a result, they have always turned into a cold, metallic bitterness.

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friendships, Growth, intentions, love, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

xxi. an exercise and exorcism for savagery

For as long as I can remember, empathy and genuine human connection have been focal points in my life. I’m a brutally soft woman and I believe [or at least want to believe] that the world is a beautiful place. Empathy and genuine human connection cannot exist without vulnerability. Quite a few times, I’ve been too open to those who many not place as much importance on empathy and those who were not able or willing to connect me and just wanted to use me. Those situations have been very painful, especially in how people react then leave me, and I’ve required therapy. But I still believe that empathy is the most important thing.

However this philosophy of mine has led me to harboring feelings of disgust at my fellow counterparts. bell hooks has hypothesized that greed begat capitalism which begat instant gratification which begat viewing people and relationships as disposable as dixie cups. We view people for what they can do for us with as minimal reciprocity as possible. This mentality has birthed the current popular term, “savage” and there is a sense of pride with self-identifying as one.

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Food/Drink/Culture, friendships, intentions, Relationships, TV, Uncategorized

xix. insecure

Excuse my cultural appropriation, but Issa Rae is my spirit animal. I know my sentiments aren’t unique, a lot of black women identify with Issa Rae, but I’ve always been the O.G. black girl. When The Misadventures of ABG first premiered on YouTube, everyone reached out to me. “Renee, this character reminds me so much of you!”

When I heard that Issa Rae was going to have a network show on HBO, I felt like a proud mama bear. Her show premiered on my birthday; the first episode was about her birthday and she turned 29, the same age I turned! How anyone could deny God connecting us together is beyond me. Insecure just finished its first season yesterday, and the finale had black millennials in a tizzy. It had me in my feelings.

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love, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

xvi. one man’s trash.

Besides, what’s one man’s pleasure is, another’s pain, or according to the Proverb, Meat, Poison, and so of the other Senses — And agen, Pleasure is certainly in some Cases, nothing but Privation of Pain
Hector Urquhart (the origin of the idiom ‘one man’s trash’)

I have a love/hate relationship with “Girls.” One one hand, I despise the show; it’s white privilege incarnate. It is exclusionary, people of color are rarely seen; if you do see a brown guy or gal, they are not characters that exhibit any sort of personal development. It’s self-indulgent, spoiled, banal. Hannah, the protagonist, is so unlikable, you feel a visceral reaction when she complains about her life and problems. It is somewhat novel of Lena Dunham to create a character so unsympathetic that you almost want her to fail.

I also love the show because I can identify with every single one of those characters for different reasons. The show has some amazingly funny one-liners; the episode when Adam’s ex-girlfriend discovered that Adam was back with Hannah because she saw them together, her friend and her said to Hannah “Your tits are so small and gross, I bet you can’t even get breast milk from them.” It was such a hilarious episode because every woman at one point in her life has wanted to rip apart the new girl [or new-old girl in this case] and to see it happen on TV was cathartic.

The reason why I still feel a modicum of loyalty to the show is  Season 2, Episode 5. “One Man’s Trash.”

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