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xviii: i’m the monster, too.

If you haven’t watched Stranger Things yet, please improve the quality of your life. The Netflix show is amazing and nothing short of genius. Eleven is one of the best characters (after toothless). I took a Stranger Things quiz one day and it told me that I’m the monster. There is a (more or less) confirmed theory that Eleven is the monster, that the manifestation of her pain created a creature that is reactive, primitive, and lethal. A metaphor for how humans can change when someone damages them.

The last season of Girls (ugh, Lena Dunham) was the best season, so much character development. Hannah, who is such a fucked up character, her monologue was the best because she recognized that when people hurt her, she lashes out but she has to stop herself because she can’t become the monster they want her to be.

I have had a lot of bad situations, been in really humiliating places, where I compromised myself for other people. And I try to be a gracious and I put up with a lot, but when I snap, it’s vicious. And it never ends up well, and I never feel good about myself, because it’s an temporary incarnation of my sadness, not a permanent fixture of my character.

There is a quote from Noam Chomsky that I love and love to use on people who do me wrong without provocation.

There are very few people who are going to look into the mirror and say, ‘That person I see is a savage monster;’ instead, they make up some construction that justifies what they do.

I have been told by my friends that I have one of the most genuine, kind hearts that they know, and that I see the good in people. Despite the fact that I really try to embody goodness,  and I only react with evil  when I’m deeply hurt, that doesn’t give me the right to make constructions on what I do. That doesn’t give the right to point out that someone is a monster and mirror their actions. I am the monster and I need to stop.

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